Time just flew so fast that I cannot help but to feel blue. I had made things happen that never once in my life again, I would want to see come true. Life’s just been miserable, that I don’t want to repeat those mistakes. Now, they’re starting to haunt me back, giving me nightmares.
Oh, Regrets, what have I done, for you to do this to me, to scare me in my dreams and to bind my shadows down?
I forced myself to transfer schools, without knowing the consequences of going far not just from my home, but also from my second home. Don’t get my idea wrong, there is no way that I would regret learning and experiencing and facing challenges here in this school. It’s just that I let my friends hanging, without a last high-five, without saying a proper goodbye, and even without shedding a single tear.
We didn’t have a proper communication, only in Facebook where we rarely talked, if not never. That was just too improper, and too immoral for my stand against myself. I should even have said something to them before I went away and not be with them anymore. It’s just too regrettable, that I know that even if it was just a little bit, they cared for me, yet I wasn’t able to bid them a proper farewell.
Regrets started to swallow me up in the vacation of 2nd year when one of my classmates was about to go to Canada. I always saw and talked to her since she was also studying in CavSci. She had a despedida party on her home and all almost all of her classmates, including me, were invited.
I didn’t know that it would be that tough, to face them, even just stand straight in front of them. My confidence was shattered even before actually seeing one of them. Good thing the day ended pretty much quickly that I didn’t need to talk with them that much, though I prayed I could have talked to them so that I could face them normally. I failed though.
Tie me up and I would just want to lie down. Hide from the consequences that came back and haunted me down. I wanted to run away but I couldn’t find a step. It shut me down, the scarce of courage had really brought me down.
I gave up, I stuttered, then gained my confidence back.
Meeting them wasn’t unavoidable. I live too close from my old school that sometimes, even if I go home late, I could still see them walking away from school. Sometimes we exchanged ‘hi’s , and sometimes we just passed by each other.
I bet that it was a non-issue for them anymore. I thought that they didn’t even care anymore. Time just flew so fast that I cannot help but to feel blue. I wasn’t able to say a proper sorry until about 2 or 3 years later. Right now, I could face them normally, talk to them with ease, and share our stories.
I couldn’t deny that it was my fault since it really was. I regret that I needed them to approach me so that I could just talk to them. All I could do now is try to approach them and initiate the conversation to make up from previous mistakes but if I had done something before, then there’s no pain in my heart.
Just last night, I had a conversation with one of my friends in elementary. I felt so happy about how she wished me good luck about my studies. I bet starting from that night, every time I would face them, it would be a bright one, full of promises, just like a sunrise that wouldn’t stop shining brightly.
Just one thing to remember for some people who have done something wrong: Don’t dwell on your mistakes too much. You could forget it once you have said sorry. Forget your mistakes, but take the lesson. Don’t be too shy and initiate the conversation once you’re wrong. Be strong, be confident, and be brave.
“I believe in second chances, I just don’t think that everyone deserves them”.
Try to be you. You deserve a second chance once you show your true self. Don’t put a mask on. Be confident about your own personality and your own self. Just be true until it’s too late. If tomorrow never comes, you are in trouble.
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