I was an ordinary guy. I never knew what made me special. I was just a guy who transferred to a different school when I wasn’t mature enough. I was stuttering for every single word I said since I wasn’t even familiar with that environment.
I reacted just like any other person would have.
I studied lessons whenever I needed to. I had done everything just like any other person would have done. I didn’t even have confidence. I didn’t even have a talent or a subject, a thing where I would excel at, before.
I saw other people and I saw my characteristics at them. I’m at a point in my life when I’m too low, even in a point when I didn’t even trust myself.
I’m not fvcking special, for goodness’ sake.
N.O.T.F.V.C.K.I.N.G.S.P.E.C.I.A.L
...
...
...
N-ever-endingly immature though I want to change, and be mature, for my own betterment.
O-pen to people who want to befriend me, who want to be close to me, who want to know me, but I’m always hesitant to do that for other people.
T-enacious with things that are special with me though I hate people that are too clingy.
F-rightened to take the first step and initiate actions, though deep inside me, I wanted to do it so badly.
V-ulnerable to sharp words from insensitive people though sometimes, I wanted to hear them for encouragement and to prove myself from them.
C-urious to find all answers to all questions I shouldn’t even have sniffed my nose into even though my mind tells me not to do so.
K-ind to people who understand me, my character, and my attitude, though I’m the total opposite to those who had totally misunderstood me.
I-nclined to things that I seriously put my effort into though I’m too lazy to put up decency on my efforts.
N-oisy, loud and annoying though I also easily get annoyed to people with those characteristics.
G-lad everytime someone gives me positive comments regarding what I do that sometimes I hate myself for being so flattered.
S-eeking for attention though I’m not demanding it.
P-roud, and always proud of being an otaku, no matter how far the circumstances would go.
E-xcessively happy everytime I did the right thing to do then realize that I went overboard with my celebration.
C- an’t help but to always feel left out whenever something happens though I don’t even know why.
I- nterested in things that caught my attention in my first glance and almost give no attention to those which failed to do so.
A-ddicted to Math, and anything related to that though when I was about 4 years old, it was the only thing that I hated too much.
L-azy enough to not do a single important thing in a single day. I’m lazy enough that even if you give me a whole week to do easy homeworks, I’ll still do it the day before it’s needed.
All of those might not make me special. In the 7 billion people in the world, It’s too improbable for a person to have the same name, same looks, and same characteristics as mine but that goes for the other people as well.
All of us are different and unique in some way. There are always differences from people to people, cities to cities, and countries to countries. That’s constant.
I don’t even know what sparked this but I started to believe myself more and more after each day. I seriously changed if you compare me from my start in this school up to now, I could see my poor self about 2 years ago and I felt that I was just crap.
As I said, all people are unique in one way or another and I think that I realized that that’s why I changed. I don’t know when or how but it all just happened. Yes, I’m definitely special, in a way.
What makes me stand out, I think, is how I believe that I am me, and that no one has the right to change me from acting like James Allen Dy, acting like who I really am. I battle out frustrations like James Allen Dy. I overcome depressions like James Allen Dy. I enjoy myself like James Allen Dy. I study like James Allen Dy. I do everything just like James Allen Dy. WHY? It’s because, James Allen Dy is me.
I wouldn’t change myself just because someone has told me to do so. If I would be proud about something, that’s the pride of not changing myself, and also stand for my own right and own good.
I found myself. I knew me. I am special.
No comments:
Post a Comment